Back to the Pagan Values discussion: Premarital sex

This entry is part 14 of 27 in the series Pagan Values Month

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I blog ahead – far into the future, if I can – so this post is actually written on June 10, even though it’s coming out on June 25th. While I’d be surprised at my perspective changing too drastically over the course of 15 days, I suppose it could happen. I’m assuming, however that I will feel the same way on June 25th that I do as of June 10th. But with the added wisdom of an extra 15 days to my age. So, this is back to the Pagan values post for Pagan values month.  I decided to focus on my sexual ethos, as it alone takes just as much time as any other aspect of values-based living.

So, to pick up the discussion: sex before marriage in my ethos is just fine, even preferable. Marriage is not and never has been solely for the division of procreation. And while now it’s said that the only reason to marry is love, the fact is that marriage is and always has been on some level a business and property arrangement. This is part of why so many arranged marriages continue to work so well (although admittedly there’s plenty of evidence that failures are not being reported truthfully – a failed marriage does not always end in divorce.) Because marriage is strictly a human-designed concept and sex is something all beings experience, to try to constrict something as natural as sex with the binds or marriage is ridiculous to me. My virginity doesn’t increase my financial value and my family does not get a dowry for me upon marriage.

For me there’s also a streak of hypocrisy resistance in my outlook: a woman I know who insists vehemently everyone should wait until marriage to lose their virginity…didn’t. Twice. While I understand and have compassion for the fear that led to that decision, I can’t stomach the hypocrisy: it’s the same as violent pro-lifers getting abortions, and a surprisingly large number of them do.

Rather than violate moral contentions and then rationalize them away, I prefer to simply acknowledge my morality for what it is: premarital sex is just fine. I am highly selective in my partners all the same, and premarital is in no way the same as casual and is certainly not promiscuous. I think I’ve made it clear why I consider promiscuity problematic for more than just the reasons of raised disease risk factors. I also tend to view promiscuity as the symptom of an internal ill that hasn’t been resolved; should I encounter a woman who is promiscuous but clearly joyful I would likely think a bit differently about it.

I see most human beings as having some genuine need for sex that is not just motivated by preservation-of-the-species. While I haven’t entirely put my finger on that need, it is one of the reasons that sex can’t just be contained to marriage.

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