It seems like all I want to do lately is read. I’ve gotten into the habit of letting some deeper impulse guide me, and at the moment it’s guiding me straight back to my personal library. I’ve joked, but not really, that I’m 15 years behind on my reading. I distinctly remember thinking that, in the wake of my divorce, I might finally make inroads onto my bookshelves. That was 9 years ago. It didn’t happen. Instead, I watched a lot of television, especially the empty Friday night sitcom lineup on the old WB network. Reading was too much at the time – it was too close to the sounds inside my head, allowed for too much silence, which alternated between relentless tear-soaked guilt and the level 10 itching of my skin from the untreated hives.
Now, for some reason I can’t quite place, I’m dusting off the books and reading them. Part of it is that I at long last have an actual, physical place to read. We bought one of those $150 chairs from Target, and the primary purpose of it is for me to sit in that chair and read. So I do. But there’s more to it than that, some deeper impulse taking me away from the computer and all the money-making endeavors. It’s similar, but not quite the same, as the impulse that has me decoupaging boxes to use in shipping, and doing similar things to other product packaging even though the cost benefit analysis ends with a bottom line of “What the hell is wrong with you???”
Reading of any kind, fiction or nonfiction, is a very linear act. Yet here I am approaching my stack for non-linear reasons. It’s not just because I may have a Kindle by the end of the year. It’s part of some other impulse, a sense that I’m clearing the way for something. A sense that I want things done, decks cleared, lists checked, my hands free. Even the Time Life series I bought for the pictures is getting a perusal. I’ve nearly abandoned all blogs. I’m not so much on going out. It’s like I’ve reverted to my 14 year old self, although with the disdain for television completely gone. All I want to do is just read.
As much as I’ve always loved reading, I can’t tell you why.