Crackpot Theory #3: Aliens over Minneapolis

051210 099 - Twins Game
This summer I noticed that late at night, a giant light hovered over north Minneapolis. I live in Northeast, and I can see amazing things from my balcony – for instance, I can see the city skyline, even though you can’t see the skyline at all on the ground from where I live. By three or four in the morning it would wink closed and disappear.

Shortly thereafter, I mentioned this strange light to my husband. A man of an insistently scientific mind, he determined it was in fact a blimp that floated above the new Twin Stadium.

I found this news disappointing.

In my mind, I had already concocted a scenario where the city of Minneapolis made a Wabasha street caves style deal with certain aliens in need of human samples for their research. The aliens were invited to remove —  and violently probe — the worst of the gang leaders and thugs from that area on the condition they did not kidnap humans from elsewhere in the state for their tests. Unfortunately, the city was still negotiating for the aliens not to return these criminals, and an unfortunate side effect of wiping memory in those prone to go against the social fabric was a tendency to commit progressively more idiotic crimes. While alien kidnapping might reduce criminal activity in a person of typical faculties, in a drug-abusing criminal it all gets chalked up to one more blackout in a day’s dishonesty.

Seriously, have we even explored the idea of turning over high crime neighborhoods to aliens able to distinguish the criminals?