Just because you are part of an oppressed group does not exempt you from the label asshole. The oppressed have just as much power to distribute injustice as the privileged do, and sometimes because they’ve got an extra helping of injustice, can distribute it in further reaching ways than those with institutional power. The lack of institutional power does not excuse the bad behavior: hate is hate. In its own way it’s a powerful equalizer.
I bring this up because of an extremely unpopular opinion I have: I believe that there is as much misogyny and misandry in the gay community as there is among hets. The hardcore women’s only movement is mysandristic : most insist on a world without men, isolating themselves rather than facilitating true social change. I understand wanting some safe space away from men; we all need our “girl” time, but lives totally excluding men does not actually reclaim power. Oppressing or excluding somebody else is not actually change, and oppression + repression = increasingly violent criminal acts. The more austere the brand of feminism, the more it’s actually part of the problem. ((Yes, my opinion.)) I’ve already been subjected to feminist hypocrisy on this bent, where her male partner was just fine, but my male partner who has said or done nothing wrong is a potential criminal. It’s tiresome; I don’t ask anyone to justify their sexuality or partner choice and I think it’s reasonable not to have to justify mine.
I know many men gay and straight who are civilized, intelligent human beings. Concentrate on disempowering the jerks, not the gender.
And if you think that gay men don’t experience and issue forth complicated misogyny, I point to Perez Hilton and Russel T. Davies: Hilton body snarks his belief that a proper female should starve herself invisible, and rare is the female in Davies’ worlds that can escape without some type of lobotomy. Look at Season 2 Rose: suddenly she’s so in love she’s become stupid, and there’s no excuse for what he did to his character Donna Noble. Even Martha Jones did not escape unscathed – rather than lobotomize her, he removed the memory of her from the rest of the world – so in his universe he actually lobotomized the entire world so they didn’t have to remember a woman.
There’s too much of a pattern there for all that not to be a comment on Davies’ attitude towards women.
Beth Ditto already got in trouble for saying straight out that certain gay men in the fashion industry have a disturbing perspective where their models are just dolls they want to play with – and not real people who can die on their way to a pathetic life goal of being a good clothes hanger. It’s evident women designers also have a sick female-competitive-syndrome issue wherein clothing must “look good on the hanger” and so they want their models starved sick. All I can do is say that women can be misogynists too, and assume that someday there’s going to be a horrific incident where a group of models kills a designer in a cannibalistic act.
Misogyny and misandry goes back to someone first realizing men and women are physically different and someone deciding that that was a problem. Oscar Wilde himself was less than kind towards women in his literature. Are all gay men this way? Absolutely not. But being gay does not exempt a guy from being a misogynist, just as being female does not mean you’re not responsible for any hatred you spread in the world.
Own your bullshit, peeps. We all got some.