For this time period, I am working through Julia Cameron and Mark Bryan’s book Money Drunk, Money Sober before I work through the Prosperous Heart. The following blog entries are in response to prompts and experiences from the book. I see this as an extension of my Artist’s Way work. Some of my entries are jarring and highly personal – any program of sobriety and self-improvement demands admitting dysfunction both personally and in family, and it also calls to admit some painful truths. While not everything I work on appears here, a number of realities do. I have a genuine body of work thanks to my work on the Artist’s Way program, and I can’t ignore the changes the continual commitment has brought about. Because of that, I also can’t ignore what going further into the harder aspects of the program – like facing money issues – has the potential to improve.
I am grateful for/that:
- living with someone that makes me feel safe.
- living with someone that respects my thoughts, and does not immediately paint me as “crazy” when we have a difference of opinion.
- that sees my emotional reactions as something to consider, not something to mock, suppress, or punish.
- that my relatives are out of my life.
- that all other destructive, abusive people are out of my life.
- that I was able to be there for my father when he died, and to undo some of the mental damage my mother deliberately inflicted on him before he passed.
- that I am not possessive. It takes a lot of energy to jump on people while shrieking “mine!”
I’d rather use that for something else.
- that I understand my rare moments of jealousy as signals of what I want, and that my jealousy is simple and not covetous.
- that I have friends.
- that if the shit hit the fan, I have friends to help me get on my feet.
- that I made the Doctor Who big thing happen.
- that I am still open to synchronicity after all these years.
- that I am on the path of getting improved mental and physical health care.
- that I am not, nor have I ever been, in such bad shape that I’ve needed medications. In this I am deeply fortunate.
- that, however inconvenient, I am on my way to living a hives-free life.
- that I have an amazing Will, and a Higher Self that prevented me from simply living my mother’s life on repeat.
- that I have food, safety, and shelter beyond what I ever expected to enjoy while growing up.
- that I know I am not helpless in anything.
- that the Divine talks to me once in awhile.
- that I don’t even TRY to extend relationships or “fix the problem” if someone treats me like shit – not anymore.
- that I understand myself as accomplishment oriented.
- that I understand most people don’t view me in terms of my accomplishments – most don’t even know about them.
- that I’m outspoken.
- that I have something to say other people need to hear.
- that libraries exist.
- that the Internet has let me meet friends I never would have known otherwise.
- that I can maintain relationships far away – proximity is NOT everything for me.
- that I live in a city where I am never, ever bored.
- that pathways to what I really want are open to me.
- that in understanding myself, I am freeing myself from other people.
- that I know I need to get in a place where I can wish well the people that hurt me the most. I’m not there, but I know that’s what I need to do now.
Filed under: Money Drunk Money Sober