I have gotten a few douchey misogynistic emails since word got out that I was writing a book on divorce. I have dealt with more than my fair share of crazy, including people trying to convince me that *I* was crazy over the years when I didn’t indeed agree jumping off a cliff was just a great idea for me since it was so convenient for the person attempting to to get me to do so.
A few examples:
1. “There’s all these women’s support groups but there aren’t any for men!”
This one was a borderline case. I could see what he was saying, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Also, explaining to him that ruined reputations are something men do to women so frequently that getting badmouthed is NOTHING to most women is something that can only be understood after one experiences it. ((When you write her number on the bathroom wall, it is in fact an act of violence.)) First off, there are men’s groups. Some are labeled “men’s group.” Others are labeled “church.” A few are labeled things like “City Hall. Bank of Whatever. America. Congress.” Some of these groups are scary, crazy and hateful, casting women as all insane condom-stealing babymakers. Most men do need some help finding appropriate ways to express their emotions and nobody is given reasonable ways to express bereavement – the primary emotional cycle of divorce and death – in a healthy way. So I don’t think men have particularly good help available. Even so, the complaint is hard for me to empathize with since I’m in the 51% of the population that is the wounded trying to heal while still getting fired on for simply existing and behaving as though we have independent thought since, y’know, we do.
It’s sadly necessary to say this: any group, whether for men, women or both, that tries to make out all of one population to be “exactly the same” or the “sole source of a problem” is crazypants. Citation: Hitler.
2. “You said this one thing I find weird. How can I trust anything you say???”
Uh huh. So rather than asking questions for further understanding, you’re asking that I demonstrate that I am the “sort of woman you can trust.”
First off, I’m not obligated to do anything for you. You’re asking I conform to a projection you have created and I’m supposed to go out of my way to say “no on, not all women are like that.” The problem is that you’ve already got it locked in your mind that all women ARE like. You’re just going to ignore anything said or done that conflicts with the bias you have decided to live in.
If you come here, it’s like you’re not the center of the universe. If you’re coming to my blog YOU are the stranger. That means it’s not my job to earn your trust.
3. “I dated a witch and she was a cheating bitch. So I dated another one and the same thing happened!”
Refer to point #1. Also, #2. And #3: I have no reason to believe you.
If you know anything about witches at all you know that a man or a woman can be a witch.
Whatever happened with you, if it did, buddy, very likely has to do with your broken picker and that broken picker probably has a lot to do with seeing women as a resting place for your genitals rather than as complete beings who might also want something from you in equal exchange.
The war of the sexes is really for participants only. And anyone bringing irrational, flat out crazy stuff here will be banned without a second thought. So far, only men have been irrational and over emotional with me. Whether that continues remains to be seen.