Stats: second year going to Pantheacon
Differences: Presenter this year. More sleep had. Stayed in Fairfield – frequently confronted obnoxious assumption “everyone has a room at the DoubleTree” when that has become well-nigh impossible.
Crisis of 2015: Partner transition and new polyamorous relationship
Crisis of 2016: Best friend had died on Saturday of con
Companions of 2015: Wife, boyfriend
Companions of 2016: boyfriend (wife stayed home), new friends from Emperor Norton Pagan Social
Compliments: I found myself surrounded by support when I got the news about Joe, from boyfriend, friends, wife via text, and total strangers. It almost restored my faith in social contracts. The Llewellyn author parties were fabulous; I got to catch up with Nels and Judy as fellow Midwestern Pagans, I finally met Kat Sanborn face to face after years of handling book reviews for her, I found Tomas Prower, author of La Santa Muerte a delight, and I finally got to meet Judika Illes, Ivo Dominguez Jr. and his husband. Took malicious glee in telling people who I was and pretending I expected them to know my name. Absolutely loved the nagas ritual.
Usual complaints: Room lotto sucks. Assumptions suck. People assuming I’m in my 20s when I’m in my 40s sucks because it’s even more patronizing now, and I wasn’t exactly blind to the condescension when I was actually that young.
Pagan fame chasing is gross.
Specific complaint: Someone actually identified herself as part of an “entourage.” To be fair, this happened after I’d heard about Joe and my polite switch had gone dormant. I think the words “toxic” came out at one person and “your spouse is a freaking grownup,” at another.
Can’t say I’m sorry but it really WASN’T my best moment. …and I kind of do know a thing or three about functional marriages vs. co-dependence.
I didn’t make that many official events besides the one I taught. I was full of nervous energy, and a guaranteed target for Pantycon newsletter as it was. (Pretty sure the “break up magic” indeed referred to the divorce and handparting workshop.)
I’m sure my head was just full of fascinating spiritual insights and exciting adventures at the time. But the combo of con overwhelm and a huge personal loss kind of knocked all that out of the running.