This is part of my work in the Julia Cameron Artist’s Way series. The work this time is from the book the Artist’s Way at Work: Riding the Dragon. The responses are self-examinations and assessments based on work through a daily series of exercises. While I do keep some material offline as it can be very personal and jarring, I often opt to be fairly open about my experiences, both positive and negative.
I forgive myself for not speaking on the spot when someone verbally abuses me or manipulates a situation so that I am a target for their bad behavior.
Never again will I just “take the hit” and walk away; I may not be able to react on the spot, but I will see to it that my feelings are made known.
In the future I will use one of the following coping mechanisms:
1)Saying on the spot “My boundaries are being violated by this behavior.”
2)Reminding myself that whether or not the person likes me is irrelevant, because the way I am being treated is unlikable.
3)Say “No,” and keep repeating no until it registers with the other person.
4)In Kafkaesque hell situations, call it for what it is: “You’re looking for a victim and I’m the nearest target.” Verbal abuse will follow. It’s perfectly acceptable to walk away instead of listening to the spew. If the person follows up with violence, take out your phone, call 911, and make sure they hear what’s going on.
I forgive myself as of December 15, 2011 for allowing my inner wall to be breached in the past.