Snippets from my life

Scene 1: a smallish bar in the North Loop of Minneapolis, just before sunset

“Hey! I’ve never seen you wear makeup before.”

“Yes you have.”

“Really? When?”

“Every time you’ve seen me.”

“Has it always been darker when I’ve seen you before?”

Scene 2: Como Zoo, out by the sea lions. I am sitting on a bench fiddling with my phone and talking to Joel. We hear loud music invade the entire space. It is obviously not a ring tone.

Joel: Right, make sure everyone hears your music.

Me: (calling out in general) So how small is your dick?

Joel: That was a woman.

Me: See what I mean?

Scene 3: In my kitchen/entryway with Mike. He is kissing me hello, and we are having one of those cutesie conversations.

“I like most of what you bring.”

“Really?”

“Well, sometimes there’s a reason for a qualifier. How was your day?”

“At lunch I kept hoping a baby at the table behind us would bite a lady in the jugular.”

“See, there’s an example of why I use that qualifier.”