This is part of my work in the Julia Cameron Artist’s Way series. The work this time is from the book the Sound of Paper. The responses are self-examinations and assessments based on work through a daily series of exercises. While I do keep some material offline as it can be very personal and jarring, I often opt to be fairly open about my experiences, both positive and negative.
Some truly weird and somewhat unpleasant synchronicity happened yesterday, and I’m still processing. This might make some of this sound a bit more cynical (90′s-esque) than my usual. The truth is, I think that the universe IS good, that karma DOES work – but that it happens on a geologic and not human time scale. That said, I was once again the hand that delivered my own karma yesterday, and I’m always uncomfortable about that. It’s a moral dilemma because then you have to ask if it’s revenge, and thus more immorality, or if it’s just Higher Beings and outside your judgment. When it comes through YOU, it’s murky and unpleasant because you don’t know and it’s way too easy to deceive yourself into thinking that you’re on the side of the angels. Still, it wasn’t a situation where passively sitting was an option that honored my inner artist/inner child. I sincerely hope I did right by myself, and by other people that the person has gone out of her way to hurt.
So, if I believed in a benevolent universe I would …
- Put one small wish in my God Jar every day about my five year business plan.
- Ask for help more.
- Find the backing to pay that help.
- Allow for the hope that my sister and mother will realize that they are lying to themselves about the how and why of my skipping my sister’s wedding, since it was circumstances that I needed help controlling and that chose not to help me with. I am not spiteful like they are, but because they are, I have been forced to be highly self-protective. I don’t want amends. I just want them to stop being miserable and thus spreading misery. I can’t be their only target.
- Start a clinic for women that want to replace female social violence patterns with patterns of helping one another achieve their highest good.
- Get my butt on a Nice Ride bike and get in the habit of using one.
- Write a carefully researched rebuttal to Minn Post’s scare journalism about an obesity crisis that leveled off seven years ago.
- Start actively looking for my dream collaborators.
- Include Mike more in collaborative projects. He wants to collaborate, but right now I’m having a hard time communicating my needs and he’s having a hard time making time for what I do need from him. This is mostly due to thesis work, which I accept.
- Trust that G.O.D will fill me with presence of mind and the right comeback when another person tries to ninja-crazy me when I’m trying to divert my energy to building something positive.