Oh wow, this chapter is really hitting home on a lot of stuff I’ve had to deal with. I know the identified patient voice. The more shitty something someone wants me to comply with is, the more exaggerated this particular tone of voice. My mother and sister used that one on me so many times I can’t count. One memory that comes to mind is, after it came out I dated a black man, my mother used IPV to say, “Your brother-in-law is worried because of how black men treat women.”
It was such an exaggerated, insane thing to say – all done in a way to make me think I was the one that was somehow crazy. Even though I knew my (now ex) bro-in-law couldn’t care less what I did, ever.
In recent years, it’s less, just because I’m much choosier about who I spend my time with. There is one person who has kind of done it recently when I got irritable with someone doing a bad job on my watch. Credit to the person who did the bad job: he responded as though I were perfectly sane for getting annoyed, which I was. But fortunately, that one’s not a black and white issue – the guy has some expectations about how women behave but he’s not too overbearing with those beliefs most of the time. Also, there are a few other men that will step right in as a check and balance to say “No, she’s right.”
I’m actually quite blessed in the crap I don’t have to tolerate anymore.